That you amuse yourself with these desopilantes situations.
During the projection of a movie, an usher was covering the movies controlling that everything is in order, suddenly in a seats line it finds a man put to bed on five armchairs and says to him:
- What adjoined eh?, do I bring to Him a few popcorn and a Coca-Cola also?
The man answers:
- No, an ambulance please, I have fallen down of the apartment of above!.
A man goes for the highway driving and suddenly the police stop it:
- Good morning Gentleman, we have been watching it since the last people happened, and have observed that he respects all the norms, it stops in all the semaphores, and drives correctly. Our municipality has put an award to the best driver and we are going to give it to you.
- No, but if I have no driver's license - the driver Says. To what his wife answers - him do not pay official attention, which is completely drunk. - And the mother-in-law comments - Not, if I already knew that with a stolen car we were not going to come very far.
It was an autumn, and the Indians of a remote reservation asked his new and young chief if next winter was going to be cold or calm.
Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never learned the old secrets. When it looked at the sky, it did not have idea of which signs to observe to predict what would happen with the time.
Anyway, to be sure, he answered to his tribe that the winter was going to be a cold and that the members of the village should gather firewood to be prepared.
Like also he was a practical leader, after some days it had an idea. It went to a telephone box, called to the National Service of Meteorology and asked:
- Might you to say to me if next winter will be very cold?.
- It seems that next winter will be quite cold. - There answered the meteorologist of the National Service.
This way the Chief turned his people and said to them that they should joining more firewood still, to be prepared.
One week later the Chief called again to the National Service of Meteorology and asked:
- Are they sure that the winter will be so cold?.
- If! - answered the meteorologist: safely be going to be a very cold winter!
The Chief returned again his people and ordered them to gather all the pieces of firewood that could find.
To be still surer and not to stay badly in front of his tribe, two weeks later the Chief called again to the National Service of Meteorology:
- Are you absolutely sure that next winter will have to be very cold?
- Absolutely - he answered the man to another side of the line - Is going to be one of the coldest winters that have been known.
Intrigued the chief of the tribe asked:
- How can they be so sure it?
The meteorologist answered:
- Because the Indians are joining firewood as madmen!."
A man enters the clear and tremendous drunkenness state a bar and says with voice balbuceante:
- Happy new year for all!
The bartender asks:
- Happy new year? In full August?
The drunkard answers:
- Are we already in August? Moan!: My wife is going to kill me! It had never come so late...
A very intoxicated man comes to a snack bar and he asks for a tequila and then other and other and another. Then the bar attendant says to him: does not he believe that it took already too much?, then it takes it of the arm and extracts it sudden towards out.
The drunkard goes out walking as it can, for any side, it goes and is misled how, 10 minutes later it enters again the snack bar and other asks for tequila, the bar attendant says to him the same as the first time, it takes it of the arm and extracts it again to the street.
To 10 minutes, the same happens again, the drunkard enters, he asks that a tequila the bar attendant challenges it and extracts it to the path.
For third time it returns to 10 minutes and asks for a tequila, the bar attendant says to him that it is already very drunk and that please it should stop bothering. The drunkard, with face of confused, answers him: - To crikey: Since at all the snack bars you are employed your poor wretch?
A person with difficulty to hear meets a friend in the street and filled with enthusiasm he comments to him:
- Do you know?, I bought a device for the deafness that is of last technology, it is the best thing that exists, it has an incredible loyalty and a tone.
- That bién and say to me: How much has cost you?
- Yesterday to the evening, I believe.
A judge asks a man suspicious of having stolen:
- Say to me: Where do you work?
- It depends, perhaps here, perhaps there - the suspect Answers without showing worry.
- Do not become the idiot: Of what does he live? - The judge asks Again.
- It depends, perhaps of this, perhaps on that one.
- Basting, it has tired me, take it prisoner.
- A moment! When are they going to release me? - Outcry scared the man.
- It depends, perhaps soon, perhaps inside much - the very calm judge Answers.
The doctor to the patient:
- I am afraid that you have the Tunner syndrome.
- And is this a worrying doctor?
- We do not know yet it Mister Tunner.
They were once two vampires conversing and one says him to other:
- Woof! Where from did you extract so many blood?
- Do you see that wall that is there?
- If.
- Since I did not see it.
A patient woman to the doctor:
- Doctor, I cannot sleep. If I go to bed of the left side me
it raises the liver, and if I go to bed of the right the kidney raises me.
- So, one put mouth to bed it arrives.
- Then my husband raises me.
They were two friends conversing and one says him to other:
- Do you know that yesterday I have had to go to the doctor promptly?
- What happened to you?
- The abdomen was touching me and he was feeling pain, the head was touching me and he was feeling pain, the face was touching me and he was feeling pain, one was touching the legs and was feeling pain.
- And that the doctor said to you?
- That I have the broken fingers of the hand.
A patient to the doctor:
- Doctor: how long have I left of life?
- Esteeee, created that not more than 10....
- Queeee? 10 that? Months, weeks?
- .... 10.... 9.... 8.... 7.... 6....
The doctor to his patient
- I'm sorry he has left a little life time, it will have
You who to leave the alcohol, the tobacco and the sex.
- And this way will I live more, doctor?
- No, but the days will be made longer to him.
A doctor to his patient:
- Estimated friendly, from today you will have to leave the alcohol, the tobacco and the night exits.
- To be able to recover?
- No, to be able to pay to me.
Valued / valued friend / friend, if you want to send these pleasantries to your friends, include please the direction of our place, you will be helping us to spread it. From already thank you very much.
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